I was having coffee with two workmates and chatting about the real estate market and pre-construction condos when one of them asked:
-Who’s really buying these pre-construction condos?
-Let’s see, parents are buying for their kids, seniors are buying for their retirement, and guys are buying as an investment or simply to have a place, downtown Toronto.
I was answering that question, I realized something. What about single women?
How many single women I have seen throughout my experience in real estate?
The truth is: none. Or wait… Maybe 2? But wait they were divorced.
And I said it out loud:
– Yup. No single women. Or at least, rarely any!
“How come?”
I was thinking out loud when my workmate said, “for one, they don’t want to split it if the relationship doesn’t work out.”
Oh my.
She was thinking a million steps ahead.
How come a guy in his 30s can sit down, calculate, put money aside and buy real estate, while women with the same jobs and same salary, keep renting?
Fear of splitting the assets? Oh, come on.
Think about this when you’re about to get married, just like men do.
Then I remembered the infamous, archaic, yet unfortunately still valid fact that men, or rather, most men aren’t attracted to independent women. They’re always looking for a woman who relies on them, which nourishes their hungry egos.
How sad. We are still in the same situation as Charlotte in “Sex and the City” in 1994.
Everyone needs a man, that’s why I rent. If you own a place and he still rents, then the power structure is all off. It’s emasculating! Men don’t want a woman who’s “too” self-sufficient.
We are still really stuck in the past, and that’s on us. No excuses.
Until we change the dialogue, men, society and the media, will all stay as is, seeing us women as dependant creatures, insecure and in need of a man.
It is our job to change the narrative.
In our language. In our actions. In all we do.
Afraid you won’t find a guy who appreciates your independence? Forget about him. After all, not appreciating your independence is a red flag to start with.
We have to earn respect, ladies. No one is going to give it to us on a silver platter. It doesn’t work this way. Even guys who support women’s rights, won’t do the fight for us. And they shouldn’t. They have enough fights in their lives to attend to.
We should be careful about what we say, what we believe and what we repeat. The things we’ve heard from previous generations, the things we see in media, we must change that. And we should help each other to do so.
When you hear another woman saying things like:
“men bloom in their 40s, but women just get old” say something! Stop this kind of language.
When you hear a beautiful independent woman who owns a home telling you:
“It’s only me, I have to pay my mortgage by myself, I don’t have a man to help pay my bills” stop her right there (or later in private, lol).
That exact scenario happened to me last week. It was the 2nd time I met this young lady when she said this. Next time I just want to shake her to change her dialogue!
You don’t need a man to pay your bills. If you are paying your mortgage, OWN IT. Respect yourself. When you say: “I’m paying the mortgage on my own” you are actively bringing yourself down. Again, it’s what we’ve been doing since the beginning of time. Have you ever heard a man say “I’m paying the mortgage by myself” in an insecure way? NOOOOOOO. They say it with confidence, like something to celebrate.
So celebrate yourself. Own it. And don’t be afraid of your success.
And don’t forget
#loveistheanswer
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