I was at a golf event, socializing with guests, taking pictures with these cool caps that my company had been handing to guests, when I heard one of the girls who was looking at the hat but not wearing it, say “I have a very narrow forehead and I look funny with caps.”

Here I was, thinking “well, I haven’t heard this before”,  and as much as I wanted to stay calm, as I was only on a hello basis with this young lady, I looked at her and said, “what did you just say?” 

I used to say those things as well, every now and then they still make an appearance in my head!

Some years ago, I was having coffee with one of my colleagues whom I really believe is one of the most stylish women I have ever met, beautiful, fit and chic. She was wearing a jacket and it was a summer day and I said “why don’t you take your jacket off?“ she said “oh I wish, but I have these fatty armpits, I can’t wear tops anymore.” I just looked at her as I really didn’t know what she was talking about and I was embarrassed to ask her, so I just picked up my phone and googled fatty armpits, I couldn’t believe what she said. I was particularly amazed to hear it from her, but the worst thing was the impact of her comment on me! From that day forward I actually started looking at my own armpits. Sometimes I think I should take a photo and send it to her and ask her if mine are fatty too.

If you are reading this ☺ see what you did?? Not just to yourself, but to me too, till that day I was living in ignorance of fatty armpits, but that day I learned a new word and one more thing I had to be careful about.
It also reminded me of what my mom says:
“You need to cover your body flaws.” 
Apparently her sowing teacher at school told her this.
To not any fault of her own, she carried this.

So the different types of bodies are not pretty? Everyone has flaws? But comparing to what standard, really? Who decides what’s pretty and what’s not? During the Renaissance, full/chubbier women were the ideal beauty because they portrayed healthy lifestyles. Early 1990’s it was a type of skeletal skinny called “heroin chic”. Today it’s all about the biggest breasts and biggest asses.

Where does this harsh self-criticism come from?
I guess each person has different sources, but I am sure some of our sources are the same,

One would be BARBIE,
As much as I looooooove my Barbies, I think it ruined us as kids, us women more than men. Ken was just an ok doll, but Barbie, oh my! Barbie was the idol. 
For me Barbie, is the most precious. In Iran we did not have Barbies in stores, the semi communist dictatorship was promoting Iranian-built dolls, cheap plastic, cheap plastic hair, they looked like the girl in The Exorcist.

So having a Barbie was a dream.
I got my first Barbie when I was 7 years old. My mom had gone to the USA to visit my older sister and she brought me one, 
I still remember that day. She was a princess in pink dress and white stars, and she had an umbrella.

Although I wasn’t very into princess stuff, I still adored my Barbie, 
Till my dad went on a trip and brought me a girl cowboy, oh my how I loooooved her! 
And then my collection got bigger, a doctor Barbie that my sister sent for one of my birthdays, and another favourite was a Barbie rock singer that again my dad got for me during  his following trip. The Barbie rocker had curly black hair. 

By the way I still have them ☺ I held on to them to finally one day buy them a Barbie house ☺

But the thing is they all have a “perfect” shape, beautiful arms perfect size waist, long beautiful legs,
I still say perfect, because that started something in my head, that the perfect body means the Barbie body.
Since I can remember, I have seen these perfect Barbies, I have played with them and I have dreamed on to be a Barbie myself.

But who is to say that the waist of the Barbie is the perfect size?

The damn media and its Victoria’s Secret angels were our role models, but those are fantasy ladies. I for one used to admire the angels, but now I wonder if one of those angels was a size 8, or one had bigger ears, and one was 5 feet tall, we would still admire them?

When you self-criticize yourself, you affect everyone around you.

Several weeks ago, I had dinner with a friend and her mom, the mom, pretty, young and fit, was saying that she feels she needs to lose 5 pounds. This line triggered my friend, her daughter, who was making herself a cheese and cracker bite, she stopped eating and said, “what you said, makes me feel bad about myself. If you think you need to lose 5 pounds then I should lose 20!

When you self-criticize, others will look at you and think, “she thinks I am overweight, she thinks I am huge.”
You will bring unnecessary awareness to different body parts that others have not been sensitive about and will bring harsh self-criticism on the people around you. 

I remember Sex and the City had a scene where the girls were in the sauna,
Charlotte was saying how much she hates her thighs, Carrie was saying her nose, Miranda said her chin, and then they all looked at Samantha and she said “I happen to like my body very much” since that scene I have been practicing self-body-love, 
And I have come a long way.

I still don’t know how to really address it,
Because I am trying to be fit and eat healthier partly because of aging ☺ so I have to try to eat healthier or my body crashes, but I don’t know how to address the fine line between trying to lose weight or stay fit to be healthy or just to avoid the self-criticism.

A common talk between women, or at least a lot of women I know, is that they always wanted to be 5 pounds lighter than whey they are,
At any stage of their life,
And they never felt comfortable with the weight they were at. 

Consider this perspective:

“Don’t prioritize your looks my friends, as they won’t last the journey.
They will change forevermore, that pursuit is one of much sadness and disappointment. Prioritize the uniqueness that makes you you, and the invisible magnet that draws in other like-minded souls to dance in your orbit. These are the things which will only get better.”

Beauty shouldn’t have a specific type, beauty is within all kinds of body types, 
Let’s practice. 

And don’t forget,
#loveistheanswer.